An Open Letter to Steven Spielberg

by jamie whyte

Hi Steven,

Can you please stop direct­ing films that have Ger­man sol­diers in them. It is a prob­lem with the baby boomer gen­er­a­tion but any­one born post 1960 just doesn’t care about them. You on the other hand, appear to have a bizarre fas­ci­na­tion, some might say a fetish with our grey uni­formed Deutsche chums.

Here is your fil­mog­ra­phy and evi­dence of the amount of panzer based non­sense you’ve inflicted upon us all. Maybe you just like their motor­bike side­cars and the hel­mets, I don’t know, but for your remain­ing years, could you please move on.

Please also avoid aliens as well.

Duel — big truck chases a man (alle­gory for das boot vs the allied solider)
Some­thing Evil — some demon non­sense
The Sug­ar­land Express — US based thriller
Jaws — Ger­man made shark ter­rorises local com­mu­nity
Close Encoun­ters of the Third Kind — aliens with theme tune
1941 — have a guess what this refers to.. yup… Zee Ger­mans!
Raiders of the Lost Ark — Nazis abound
E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial — Elliot har­bours Ann Frank from Nazis on Hal­loween
Twi­light Zone: The Movie — sci-fi thriller
Indi­ana Jones and the Tem­ple of Doom — Nazis are back with shriv­eled faces
The Color Pur­ple — Whoopi!
Empire of the SunWWII with Japan­ese instead of Nazis — sub­tle
Indi­ana Jones and the Last Cru­sade - MORE NAZIS
Always — “com­edy“
Hook — more com­edy
Juras­sic Park — British / Amer­i­cans colonise island, Nazi dinos fight back
Schindler’s List — seri­ous Nazi Nazi film, with Nazis
Amis­tad — Matthew McConaughey begins annoy­ing movie goes world­wide
The Lost World: Juras­sic Park — Nazi dinos stage full scale US inva­sion
Sav­ing Pri­vate Ryan — More Nazis attack
A.I. Arti­fi­cial Intel­li­gence — swear the end­ing needed more Nazis
Catch Me If You Can — lol
Minor­ity Report — total­i­tar­ian police state, much like another Euro­pean state I once knew
The Ter­mi­nal — “com­edy“
War of the Worlds — stu­pid flu-ridden (Nazi) aliens stage inva­sion of US
MunichWWII guer­rilla spy drama set 30 years after WWII
Indi­ana Jones and the King­dom of the Crys­tal SkullZEE NAZIS ARE BACK!!!
War Horse — Ger­man sol­diers abound, pre­quel to your many other Nazis films

So 10/28 films are about Nazis… it’s 2012.… it’s been 67 years… one year older than you Steven. Let’s leave it now. I beg you. War Horse was by the num­bers dri­vel, and we all know you only took the chance so you could get your Ger­man sol­dier fix. Why not join a reen­act­ment group, live the past instead of inflict­ing it upon us time and time again.