a convenient place for excess thoughts

Category: Nonsense

Sometimes it’s nice to be asleep

I met some­one who told me some­thing and now I can’t get it out of my head. At all. It colours every­thing I do, every­thing I think about. When I’m at work, I’m think­ing about it, when I’m out with friends, it con­tin­ues to con­sume me. I used to think about it, a long time […]

The Turnpike Lane Anthem

If you’re look­ing for direc­tions to my house, please fol­low the words below in the form of a lit­tle ditty to be sung in the style of an out of tune washer-woman or Cher Lloyd. May I present to you The Turn­pike Lane Anthem: Get off at Turn­pike Lane stayyy-ssshunn For you’ve reached your destinaaayyy-shhuunnnn […]

Extracts from a novel never to be written

Moisha sat for­lornly on the toi­let seat and gazed down at his boxer shorts stretched apart by his knees. He noticed the seam was com­ing loose, no doubt due to the near atomic level of destruc­tion his inces­sant flat­u­lence had inflicted upon the poor cot­ton. He pon­dered whether the Ame­ican Israeli Pub­lic Affairs Com­mit­tee could […]

SMA Advertising

I don’t get this advert. Are they say­ing that SMA is the next best form of milk? I mean that’s some claim and frankly if SMA is the next best and Kate is the best then why haven’t they kid­napped Kate and made her make milk for the nation?!

Famous People Born 1981

Maaaannnnn I got noth­ing on these guys >_< they’re super­stars! Justin Tim­ber­lake Kelly Row­land Paris Hilton Lley­ton Hewitt Josh Groban David Anders — best British accent ever Young Buck Kolo Toure Jes­sica Alba Craig David Anna Kournikova Natalie Port­man Adri­ana Lima Chris Evans — Cap’n Amer­ica Fer­nando Alonso Djib­ril Cissé Rachel Bil­son Eli­jah Wood Roger […]

Shit Art for Rich People

fam­ily has a lot, and I mean a lot of shit art in its houses. There’s some real tripe from Tracey Emin, a pic­ture of man in a car­pet, some prints and aside from it all being uni­ver­sally awful, it’s also very very expen­sive. Since so much mod­ern art is toi­let, I’m going to start […]


I couldn’t really find a good pic of Mau­rice, but watch­ing the Mada­gas­car movies, Fore­man from House looks just like him. I swear the ani­ma­tors must have used his likeness.

Wagner – Addicted to Love

Holy what?! Wagner’s song was the stuff of night­mares like some sort of stalker / Josef Fritzl hybrid. I’m sure he was try­ing to come across as seduc­tive but he butchered Robert Palmer’s song, admit­tedly no worse than he does with every other song, in some sort of sex­ual preda­tor way. The lights are on, but […]

Jevon T-Shirt

Buy this, because some­times, 4 year old kids need to told.

Disney Porn

There I was, check­ing on my 2 year old stu­dents when one of them came up to me, Dis­ney book in hand. She wanted me to read her the story but it was in Chi­nese and though I can strug­gle through the phở­netic alpha­bet I thought I’d just make up a story based upon the […]