JmeWhyte

Why are peo­ple men­tal? Or, more to the point, why are peo­ple Chris­tians? Obvi­ously you can sub­sti­tute Chris­tians with any other reli­gion you like but let’s stick with Chris­tian­ity ‘cos they’re def­i­nitely the most men­tal of all. There are so many ways to attack the belief sys­tem of Chris­tian­ity it would be almost wrong if wasn’t so fun and easy. But let’s run through a few, just in case you ever need to counter the delu­sional bab­ble of a believer.

I tried explain­ing the book of Gen­e­sis in class and was told to stop lying by my stu­dents. Being Tai­wanese, they’re mainly Bud­dhist if any­thing and know lit­tle about the Good Word. They know Jesus and God and the cross but that’s it so I tried to broaden their minds a lit­tle. God said, bam light, bam plan­ets, bam plants. They were down with this, ‘cos the big bang the­ory doesn’t make sense to them (and nei­ther does it to you). So then, God got some dust and made man. They bought this, only if they didn’t want to appear as if they’d mis­heard and that there might be a sec­ond mean­ing to dust. Man got bored and so God took out a rib and made woman. This was when every­one started talk­ing amongst them­selves as if I’d begun a dia­tribe about Apple’s price dis­crep­an­cies in the UK. I went on with the snake and the apple, about how God doesn’t like veg­eta­bles for no appar­ent rea­son (LoL Able, how you like me now?), and the strange­ness of many a bible story:

hey, Ahab, go kill your son.
Really?
Yeah, do it! Do it for me!
Er-okay chief.
Psy­che, just kid­ding, put the knife down.

Point is, is that mod­ern day Chris­tian­ity says all of this is alle­gory and not to be taken seri­ously, but then you can’t really pick and choose which bits to believe. Take George Lucas, I wanna pre­tend Episodes 1, 2 and 3 didn’t hap­pen and Indi­ana Jones 4, but no amount of La-la-la-ing isn’t going to make it so. If you say no gays please, don’t all of a sud­den about face and say, gay peo­ple now accepted into heaven. And if the Bible has a quota on heaven of 144,000, don’t you think recruit­ing peo­ple to your men­tal way of life is a lit­tle detri­men­tal to your chances of mak­ing it in?

If you ever won­der about ques­tions to ask a Chris­t­ian choose any top­ics from the fol­low­ing to enjoy a truly round­about answer:

the cre­ation of hell – it’s not in Judaism.
orig­i­nal sin – lol­wut?,
Satan’s rebel­lion – Angel War!!!!! no no no no no.
Buy­ing your way to heaven – ummmz like loy­alty points?
Sui­cide = insta hell. Paedo priests and celibacy – kek.
Why do good Chris­tians die in hor­ri­ble ways?
Why are most Chris­tians pro war, pro guns?
Where’s God?
The Holy Ghost is what now?
So which is right, Catholi­cism or the Protes­tant Church?
Sex before mar­riage = hell?
No recre­ated images of God — but there’s a whole heap of Jesus stat­ues out there.

And on and on and on.

You won’t beat a Chris­t­ian with logic because they lean on the “it’s a faith thing,” and there­fore out of the nor­mal bounds of ques­tion­ing but it f*cking isn’t and really, the only way to beat a Chris­t­ian is with a bat or to high­light how f*cking retarded they are by recre­at­ing the tri­als of Job on them and spend­ing your days plot­ting to ruin every last one of them until they repent their bonkers ideals and join the rest of us of planet Earth.

I just find it scary that to be Pres­i­dent of the USA or the Prime Min­is­ter of the UK (and prob­a­bly a lot of West­ern coun­tries) you need to be a prac­tic­ing Chris­t­ian. Why? Why does sit­ting in church on a Sun­day lis­ten­ing to some bullsh*t ser­mon make you more capa­ble of gov­ern­ing a nation or respected in the eyes of vot­ers? It’s just so utterly depressing.

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